Wonder about thoughts on my current sitch. Things have been well since I backed off all affectionate touching and hugs.
One of Michele's basic rules is keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn't work! If things are going well then maintain the status quo on that front.
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I'm on a family holiday and we've been sharing a bed. First time in 9 months. W has been dropping little barbs like I snore too much, forgot how that ruined my life. My POV is she never set the boundary. No touching in bed, nice chats, all good. Well today at dinner she said she hates it, I have to sleep on the couch, it's been stressing me this trip, thats why im eating lots of chocolate. Oh and we are friends and "I'm single". She's mentioned the friend thing before, but first time she said single. She also reminded me (again) she wants to move out with kids.
Family holidays are just too much pressure on a WAS. She doesn't like you right now, she may even hate you. Every little thing rubs her the wrong way. So a family vacation will have you in front of her WAY too much. Don't plan anymore such events. That will have to wait until such time that she starts to like you again, which is a long ways off.
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I'm detached outside (but hurting inside). I say ok, I understand, no Im not upset, your choice, out of my control, you know how I feel. Felt like she was trying for an argument.
Sounds like you are listening and validating, so good job! She more than likely is looking to start a fight, so that's a good way to defuse things.
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I'm really going up and down in emotions because I don't think I've fully detached.
It takes a while, be patient with yourself! It took over a year after separation for me to really detach. There were many times along the way that I THOUGHT I was detached, but realized later I still wasn't.
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GAL for me is hard because I dont have friends anymore and I just go out solo.
Check into Meetup.com, many LBS's here swear by it. It's a good way to meet new people and do things you've always wanted to try. But that said, there's no harm in having solo GAL activities (you should strive for a mix of both). GAL is anything to get you away and get your mind on other things.
