Anxious, Emotional Neglect, and LRT

[ovrrnbw]

Wonder about thoughts on my current sitch. Things have been well since I backed off all affectionate touching and hugs. No more thinking about you sms or nice postits before work. It feels like we are married sans anything physical. I'm on a family holiday and we've been sharing a bed. First time in 9 months. W has been dropping little barbs like I snore too much, forgot how that ruined my life. My POV is she never set the boundary. No touching in bed, nice chats, all good. Well today at dinner she said she hates it, I have to sleep on the couch, it's been stressing me this trip, thats why im eating lots of chocolate. Oh and we are friends and "I'm single". She's mentioned the friend thing before, but first time she said single. She also reminded me (again) she wants to move out with kids.

First of all, detach. Don't let her get to you, and stay cool. Lots of people snore, so what? Some are also flatulent...

If she hates it, she can sleep on the couch. She's the one with the problem, so she should be doing something to fix it, not making you work around her. So you stay in the bed, be calm, and prepare for her to be mad about this. Don't let it stress you, reread the detachment thread, go for a walk, do something fun. Forget her. Really, forget her. Do things for you. Enjoy your holiday. Holiday is how y'all say vacation right?

As far as her saying she's single I would just use that moment to boot her out of the bedroom and tell her that she isn't your "friend". Of course she wants to argue, she needs you to be mean to justify all her crap. Don't serve it up. Don't worry about not being fully detached, you probably aren't but just keep on working! I am an advocate for removing the wedding ring. It shows her something, but more importantly it removes a burden from your head. Put it somewhere out of sight and leave it be IMO. If she's in rebellion mode, saying she's single and y'all are friends, wearing that ring shows her you're still trying, hoping, wishing....don't give her that.

I think you're doing a great job detaching and GAL. Good on you.