97 you conduct yourself with such grace and compassion. I'm glad to hear you're allowing yourself to feel the pain. I hope this wave is a brief one, but we don't really have as much control on that as we'd like.
Your sentence, "This is not a surprise" struck me. So many times I have calmed myself by reminding my heart that nothing has changed - this has been proceeding for a very long time. The information is not new, it just is awful to have these solid reminders whenever a concrete step is taken. You/I made it through the past ___ months and you/I will make it through the next ___months.
These steps forward are both gut-wrenching (I had a friend call divorce "excrutiating". Yep. That's the word) but also weirdly necessary. I don't want to remain stuck or playing a waiting game, and I don't think you do either. There is Standing and then there is Standing Still. There is too much beauty in this world to allow ourselves to Stand Still.
You don't have to force yourself to be excited about your future yet. But I do hope you can find one tiny thing that you allow yourself to be excited about. Maybe it's a new pet friend. Or a trip. Or just something you've really been wanting to do/buy/experience for a long long time. But I hope you push yourself to feel excitement over it, and allow yourself that feeling of anticipation and hope.
