No, b/c I learned a long time ago that it's the LBH that doesn't want to believe/accept that his wife is wayward. You said you had read those links I posted, right? Did you not see your W in any of those posts? Look, it is not an affair that makes her wayward. If you read the first page of the first thread in those links, you would understand what I mean by that statement. She has already developed a wayward mindset before she engages in some type of affair. Having an affair is an act of rebellion against her H and their M. I'd guess that she's been showing lesser signs or degrees of rebellion for years......but you apparently did not recognize her reactions/behavior to you, as rebellion.
FWIW, I was very depressed, too, when I engaged in an EA.
Now, about what the MC says. Outside of religious type of writings, I don't find the word "wayward" used that much on line or in secular books. You can google it, and you'll mostly get Biblical scripture references. It's not a popular word to describe a wife these days, however, the definition of wayward fits her perfectly. You'll come closer to finding material under the topic of hard-hearted wife. IMHO, that definition does not completely cover the subject of a wayward wife. BTW, Michele Davis does not divide the WAW & WW into separate definitions, so you won't find WW in her book. Anyway, back to your MC. I see newcomers get confused when they are talking to counselors, friends, relatives, reading dozens of books, and joining various forums. All that advice from various sources is not going to match. So, you may have to decide who or what source to follow.
I honestly don’t know if she is a WAW or WW. I feel like some of both descriptions fit her. She has had depression and anxiety since we met, so it’s not something that just started. I can see why most LBS’s don’t want their wife to be WW. I don’t want her to be either, but I feel like most in here think it’s my opinion she is instead of what the facts say. In addition, the people closest to us feel that she isn’t, either.
She is mean, shows no respect and doesn’t want to work on our marriage, in addition to the red flags in the other thread. However, she is the one that set up MC and she is the one actively going. We have spoken about my concerns in MC and she has convinced both of us that she isn’t doing anything because she is so done with men. She blames my feelings on my ego because I couldn’t believe she just wouldn’t want to be with me, so it has to be someone else.
She may be right, too
Originally Posted by sandi2
No.........if you insist on using a MC before your WW is ready to reconcile for the right reasons, then allow the counselor to be in control of the sessions. If you get up and walk out, then why attend? There is a lot about DBing you have to learn, and most people don't try to get it all said in one post (except may me).
If you'll study personal boundaries, then you can set one about not continuing a phone call when you are being disrespected by the caller. Boundaries are to protect you. They are not about controlling the other person.
I have been studying them and thank you for telling me more about them. MC wasn’t my idea because I didn’t feel that she was ready for it yet. She found the MC and he is amazing! He feels there really is no reason we can t work this out, we’ve just got to give it time and she has to miss me.
That’s really what I feel like I need help with. How do I make her miss me? What are the most effective ways of making her miss me?
Originally Posted by sandi2
BTW, I've been meaning to ask what you are doing to GAL. Can you share a list of activities you do to get a life?
I go to the driving range almost every night to get some steam off. I try to walk about the block and go to the gym. When I have my S, we stay busy so that he has fun and it takes both our minds off things. I am trying to join a cooking class and baseball team I also try to read and do a lot of research
