crd, agree to her wanting her own apartment. But insist that the joint account is liquidated (50/50 split) and that you both handle your own finances from this point forward. I assume you can afford the house on your own income?
I could afford the house but it would be a significant financial burden. W and I have equal salaries and our standard of living is based on dual incomes. If the house doesn't sell in a month or two it would be a problem.
I'm also of the mindset that there really isn't a benefit to paying for two homes at this point - we aren't fighting, D3 isn't aware, we still do a lot as a family, W has her own room (i.e. we don't have to see each other after D3 goes to sleep if she doesn't want to) and, because of DB, she's getting virtually no pressure from me. I'm not suggesting that she won't get the emotional space that she wants until she's physically out, but I don't see why I (and D3) should have to pay for that. Not to mention that she has a friend who she can stay with for free.
So she wants to move out before the house sells, and what, thinks she can quit paying half the bills and mortgage but still reap half the profits if and when the house sells? Here is what I would tell her- you don't care when she moves out, that's her decision to make. But she WILL have to continue paying half the bills and mortgage until the house sells AND pay 100% of her bills and rent on her new place. She can't afford that? Then tough, she has to stay until the house sells.
As far as cleaning up the kitchen, I agree with LH that you shouldn't argue about it but tell her to ask politely next time, that you don't respond well to demands but you will consider polite requests.
