And it's just so sad the way your H is behaving. Towards you, yes, but even more tragically towards his sons. He could have behaved honourably and still ended the marriage if that was what was best for him. He could have poured his attentions into building himself a new life and making sure his relationships with them were solid. He's done none of those things - and apparently even now he has what he wants and is behaving as he thinks is best - he's still acting destructively and selfishly. I really feel for your son. No son - even a grown man - should have to set boundaries with his father around drunken and bullying text messages.
The further I get into my own situations, and the more I read about others, the more I see that the choice ahead is very simple for all of us. What kind of people do we want to be? I look at the way my H has - at times - spewed and blamed and sat in his misery, blaming everyone else for it - and the way that's impacted on his relationships with me and his children. Similarly to other WH and WW here. And I see LBS who concentrate on themselves and their children and friends, refuse to get bitter and petty, and start, after a lot of pain and distress, to thrive and enjoy being useful to others, valuing them and being valued in return. Or we can blame and spew and sit in self pity (I've done plenty of that myself!) and end up as mad and unattractive and unpleasant as our H's.
I guess it's human nature. We can respond to pain in positive or negative ways. I think you're doing a marvellous job and it inspires me. I am sure you are an inspiration to your sons too.
