Fine tuning my inner Me

[97Hope]

That post was so full of peace. Contentment. What happened to that person?

She is struggling today.

Your name says what you need to accept for yourself. Grace. Allow God's grace to cover you. The struggle is real. You are still you. This is a terrible circumstance you are in, don't beat yourself up over how hard it is. You wouldn't judge anyone else going through the same. In fact, what would you tell your friend if she asked these questions?

I hate that I’m very upset about this.

Of COURSE you are upset. They are feelings. They are yours and they don't make you who you are or define your identity. They are your feelings. If you fight against them or try and deny them, you might get stuck. Accept that these are your feelings and work through them. Again - grace.

She also said he was moving to a new apartment. Getting a place with OW? I don’t know. But, seems to me if he does, he’s made his decision.

I have thoughts of wanting to embarrass him, hurt him (badly), of telling the kids, and giving him a piece of my mind. Ugly thoughts. I don’t like it.

You are not alone. You know what you can do with those thoughts, take them captive and replace them with good thoughts. Focus on the good.

Why can’t he just make a decision? I don’t want to. Do I have to?

He is not in control of what you do. YOU are. Don't give him power over your responses to his behavior.

I was so confident of my stand 2 weeks ago. What the heck changed? Maybe because I stopped my running dialogue with God over the vacation. I really fell off the wagon in that department.

That's what happens to me. If I don't stay in touch, I feel bad. Sometimes, though, it just hurts like hades and there's nothing for it but to go through it and take care of ourselves. Remember "this is a marathon not a sprint" like they say here all the time!!

I also suggested she see her therapist regularly when she gets back to school. She agreed. I messaged H briefly about it. His response? “She seemed fine when I saw her today.” He added that he agreed maybe she needs therapy. That was it.

I’m so mad at him right now. I just want to scream at him “what the he** are you doing? Snap out of it!!

That would be frustrating for any parent. We would all love to scream at them - unfortunately I have and I'll just go ahead and tell ya, it was less than effective ; )

Of course even if I ask him to meet to talk, I won’t do that. I am committed to reflect compassion, peace, and contentment. The love of Christ. Let my inner joy shine.

I need to find it first.

You will find it again. This is a valley. I will pray for you tonight.

I don't want to sound like I have all the answers. I ask all of these questions myself and have some of the same emotions around this. Sometimes it's easier to answer others' questions and we get stuck in our own sitch.