It was great thank you CanBird. Lovely quality time with the boys. I love it when they are all together, so much laughter and poking fun at one another (and at Mum) Grandson sat on the decking soaking up all the attention and the BBQ survived.

As adults, I leave their relationship with Dad to them. I think that they are generally very frustrated with him, but they have each other to discuss that with and they tend to keep me out of it. Quite rightly.

However, I did walk into some conversation at the weekend. It would seem that H has driven past the house at the weekend (he's gone out of his way to do so) and seen S2 car in the driveway. He sent a text to ask if he was visiting this weekend. S2 said he hadn't replied because he was on limited time and didn't want to have to deal with him. So H then sends a series of texts to S1 and S3, but particularly to S3.

I haven't seen the texts but S3 told me that they had been increasingly aggressive and bullying in tone. S3 told me that he had responded saying that yes he did want a relationship with him moving forward, but that whilst he continues to ignore requests from me and the solicitor to sort out the legal and financial aspects, H wasn't allowing us to move forward (S3 lives with me) and therefore his inaction meant that there couldn't be a relationship at the moment.

H actually suggested that it was me sending the texts not S3 and tried more 'strong arm' 'you will do as I say' tactics which resulted in S3 ending the conversation suggesting that it may be best to continue when H was sober, rather than late on a Saturday night.

I don't know if he was drunk or not (highly likely) but what was the man thinking? Bullying words suggesting that you will have a R with me because I am your father, was never going to work. They are grown men.

My concern was the emotional impact that this exchange may have had on S3 but his brothers and SiLs reassured me that they had talked it through with him and he was fine.

I'm sure that it must hurt to sit miles away and imagine that we are all having family time without him. But actions have consequences. He genuinely convinced himself that his R with his boys would not alter one jot when they found out about his double life. They have come to terms with the breakdown of their parents' marriage, but are incredulous and angry that he cannot now do what is necessary for me to be able to fully move on.