HB - I feel you. However, most of your boundaries are unenforceable. They won't stop him from doing what he wants. I think you should revisit the boundaries thread and re-read it. Boundaries are for you, not a tool of control to what you want the other person to do. It's your own protective circle of what you allow in or not.
It's good to gather intel, but snooping for long will be detrimental to your health. You already have enough facts about what he is doing. Now you're just asking for more pain.
I wouldn't send anything to her husband. In the best case scenario if she breaks it off with him, you're still left with a H who has unresolved issues that need to be addressed. OW# 2 won't be long behind.
Go re-read Sandi's rules again. This is time for YOU and what you need to do for yourself. I wish that all the LBS could just let go right away and work on themselves, they would save themselves so much heartache and pain. Being 2 years out, that is the best advice I can give. I wish I had stopped focusing on the other person so much and just focused on myself.
Take a moment and just breathe! I know it's painful and the world is spinning, but you need to just sit still for a bit with yourself.
