So so new to this :(

[Nyla79]

I’m coming for advice again.

I don’t remember if I had told you earlier that I had suggested to my husband that we come up with a schedule when he would spend the days with the kids. Because they all refuse to go to his house now that he lives with the OW. I’ve been a bit annoyed about his going about this, only calling at the last minute and only when it suits him.

This was my email to him:

"One more question, would you like to talk about making some sort of schedule for when you spend time with the kids? I think even though they're not coming to your house or spending the nights, you could, if you wanted to, pick them up on weekends in the morning and bring them back in the evening. They would benefit from it so much and if they knew in advance that this day is a day with daddy, then the girls wouldn't make plans for it either. Just an idea. Let me know what you think."

Now my husband had replied to my email:

“Sorry I never answered you on this. Yes I would like this very much and I will soon have a empty house for a few weeks so maybe they could try to spend the night with me also?
Im very busy still tomorrow but then after that would like to look at a schedule for when i can come spend time with them.”


ARGH!!! So now that the OW is going to be gone for a few weeks, he has time for his kids and then he needs them to come and fill up his void. (This is my initial reaction)


So please, please help me with this. I don’t want to let them go there, because even if she’s not physically there, it is her home and her stuff will be there and nothing has changed.

The point is that the kids don’t approve of this relationship and that’s why they don’t want to go there. And of course, if I’m being honest, I am a bit selfish about this too. I don’t want them to be his entertainment while she’s gone. Again, I feel like he is cake eating, even though these are his kids. I don’t even want to ask the kids about this. (Should I and also, should I let them go when I know they’re not ready?)


So my proposed reply is, please give me feedback:


Hi H,

I’m glad we can try to come up with a schedule, I think it helps all parties.

At the same time, I’m sorry H, the kids don’t want to spend the night at your house because you are living together with your girlfriend, it doesn’t matter if she’s there physically or not. They feel uncomfortable when you try to bring her, or this matter up with them. Please give them time. In every other way and dates I can be flexible, but in this matter, I have to think what is best for the kids.


My schedule is quite flexible except on Friday afternoons, so just let me know when you have time and we can sit down and look at this.

Nyla