I shall have both lamb and lipstick thread 6

[97Hope]

in that while I am speculating he's told them some unpleasant things about me (given their radio silence) I doubt he's confiding in them regularly or talking to them about his own feelings and thoughts. I could be wrong - but if he's the man I lived with - then there's nobody in his life who he had that type of relationship with.

In any case, he's really not done anything wrong at all. He's allowed to speak to anyone about his experience of being married to me and process it in whatever way he wishes. That might involve a lot of blame and ranting - I wouldn't be surprised - and painting himself as the victim. It might not. The fact is, I don't know.

The fact is also that while I'd hoped for an expression of care and support from them, that didn't happen and I am sad about it. It isn't wrong that I'm sad. Disappointed, I suppose - that fifteen years of knowing me and counting me (I thought) as part of their family didn't really count for much when it came down to it. I feel like the warmth I had from them in times past was fake and conditional, and anything that comes from them towards me in the future isn't anything I can trust or enjoy. I don't trust people very easily. I don't let people get close to me very easily at all.

I guess I feel a bit judged. And again - I've no idea what - if anything - he's said to them. But their silence feels to me like a real judgement - a 'choosing of a side' and that feels unjust.

I do feel unfairly judged and that's hard today too.

I suppose I just have to accept the situation, and my own feelings about it[[quote][quote]

Aww, love. I'm so sorry about your pain. It's very hard with in-laws. I bolded some things you wrote to remind you that you are speculating and these are your feelings. You are absolutely 100 percent entitled to feel however you feel, remember at the same time you just don't know.

Since you find it hard to trust, are you falling back on old coping mechanisms? They aren't speaking to you - so you feel judged. I would guess that this has more to do with them not knowing what to say or if they should say anything at this point.

If you are right and they are judging you, remember that no good judge only hears one side. It can feel very unfair when people do that - because it is unfair.

I love how you are diving deep into what you feel and why you feel it. I'm not a counselor, just have been to many - my best therapist taught me to explore my thoughts around those feelings. Most of the time, even if the feeling didn't change, I had a better understanding and acceptance of those feelings because I could see the root cause.

Just remember - what other people think of you is none of your business. You are standing. It takes courage, more patience than we ever knew we had and more strength then we ever wanted to use. But here you are, continuously working toward a better life for you and your family. Stand confident in that today. Big hugs.