The loss (or felt-loss) of my W's family is really hitting hard. In my case it is not total and complete loss, as my SIL and BIL are still adamant about me coming over and seeing my nephews (who I love very much), but the logistics of doing that while W is there every weekend (she is their aunt, basically 2nd mom) is unfeasible at the moment. (W will not look at or talk to me at all right now, which is difficult at best when the nephews start asking questions as to why this is the case).
It [censored] - I miss seeing them very much and it makes me sad, I totally get where you are coming from, Alison. No amount of GAL or 180s or PMA will change that.
On the other hand, I try to think of things this way. My W has withdrawn so much from who she was, away from everyone and everything, that I hardly recognize who she is anymore. She has no one else she feels comfortable talking to or spending time with other than her S and nephews right now.
I try to see it from her perspective - and remember that she needs them now, really. More than anything. For me to try and interrupt that processing or healing for her (if it happens) is selfish on my part, so I have taken the step of pulling back and letting her have that part of her life so she can hopefully regain her identity.
It is an extraordinarily hard thing to do, I can relate to your position and it is totally natural and ok to feel sad. But keep focusing on you, and try to think of the good things you have in your day to day life.
