A sad day today. H is taking Eldest and Youngest to see his parents this weekend. It's so they can give Youngest his birthday presents, and also celebrate my FILs birthday. It brings back memories of when I first had her, and we went to FIL's birthday garden party to show off the baby and celebrate his birthday just a day or two after I got out of the hospital. It was a happy time. I'm not close to my own parents - for many very good reasons (they were abusive and I spent part of my childhood in care) and over the years as they learned more about me and my own background I felt them stepping into that parental role. I can't say we were ever really super close, but they included me in things for their own children, and that meant a lot to me. I think I imagined that in the event of problems in our marriage, they'd want to reach out the hand of support to both of us - without judging - but that hasn't happened. I've had no contact from anyone at all for months - not to ask me how I am, not to ask how Eldest was in the weeks when H was refusing to see him - nothing. It makes me really sad.
I understand the logic of this of course. He's their son and I am not. He stayed with them for a couple of weeks while he was still very angry and hurt at being thrown out of the house, and I don't know this for sure, but I can imagine that he's told them a very slanted version of events in our marriage. I'd expect that. And he has a perfect right to speak to whoever he wants and say whatever he wants. He's much more isolated than I am - except for his family - so it is good he has their support. I would just have hoped that as mature and experienced people, and after knowing me for so many years, they'd have realised he was telling only one side of the story and that I might have had very very good reasons for being so desperate to have him out of the house. That of course they would want to support him and take care of him, but they'd also have it in their hearts to reach out to me and express some kind of concern or interest. That hasn't happened.
I don't really expect anything from the any more. It's been seven months. I have no idea what H has said or not said - that's just speculation on my part. But I do feel sad today that there's going to be a happy family event and I'm not included any more. I didn't expect to be, and of course it's much better that the kids have those continuing relationships and it's good he is taking it on himself to facilitate that. But I am sad.
I can't help but wondering if we do ever R - and I know that is increasingly unlikely and I am not even sure that is what I want any more - that things between me and the wider family will never be the same again. I won't be able to forget how disposable I was to them, and that is going to colour any interaction I have with them going forward.
Nothing for me to do. I guess I don't really need any advice because I know the right thing to do is to wave my kids off at the door, wish them a good day, then go and do something nice for myself in the free time. I've already arranged that. H isn't really doing anything wrong, and neither, really, are my in-laws. It's just sad.
