Making the best of the mess.

[97Hope]

Journaling,

H told me tonight that he is looking at switching to a new mobile service provider and "what do you want to do?" I asked him do you want me off of the account?". He said "Well that sounds bad when you say it like that" - gee, ya think? I am not working, have only had one consulting job in the past 7 years and that was after I put him through school.

He's crazy. We did some D talk and he offered me a ridiculous settlement. I told him I don't want this, but if you go that road, what you offered me is a slap in the face. Without going into details, I let him know that I will not be agreeing to anything he provides to me unless my L agrees to it and that this is not going to go down over tea and biscuits.

Not that I'm punishing him, but I worked very hard to get us where we are and I will not be put out without what is fair to me. (I didn't say this out loud)

After a calm discussion about what he thinks I want and what he's wiling to "give" I said that I didn't know why he didn't work this hard at the marriage, because he's working overtime at ending it. Just when our kids are moving down here and all he's ever talked about in 23 years is sitting on the porch together at our ranch watching the grands play. I told him that I though this was everything he ever wanted and he said - it is. He put on his sunglasses and I saw a tear roll down his cheek.

He then really started to cry and said he had to go. I don't cry anymore to or in front of him. I don't remember when I stopped.

If he files (he now says he only gave a verbal to the L, hasn't hired him yet) this will not turn out like he thinks. I know what I'm entitled to. More than that, though, the boys are very upset with him and youngest can't even look at him. He is losing everything he loves.

Just going to step back and let him go off the cliff. I'm sad for him, but I still have peace. No fear like before. I now know what I'm worth. And it's a {censored} of a lot more than he thinks.