You don't have to be totally detached to drop the rope. It just makes it a little easier. Being detached does not mean you stop feeling love for her. I think I've seen you mention something about no longer caring, and that's not what we mean. You will probably always "care" about her, since she is the mother of your child. Just stop pursuing and trying to enforce particular feelings in her. Whether you realize it or can understand why........when a woman no longer feels desire & respect for a man, all his pursuing becomes unwanted pressure.
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Would the idea of dating someone else make her mad or justify her actions?
I don't recommend that you date someone just to make your W jealous, b/c it doesn't get your focus off her and watching to see what type of reaction she'll have. I'm saying that you need to stop trying different approaches and/or techniques for the sole purpose of getting a desired reaction. One reason you are pursuing heavily is b/c you are watching her too much. Nothing "justifies" waywardness. That doesn't mean she won't twist it around and make herself appear justified.
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I know you can’t fight emotions with logic, so if I emotionally detach from her, then that is obviously speaking to her emotions. But if I still seem attached to her then she won’t want me because the logical thing to do.
Wow! Talk about twisting things around!
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Do you think I’m understanding that correctly?
No, I don't.
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Finally, I don’t know if she is WAW or WW, but I feel like she’s more WAW based on what the MC has said. Does that change any of your advice?
No, b/c I learned a long time ago that it's the LBH that doesn't want to believe/accept that his wife is wayward. You said you had read those links I posted, right? Did you not see your W in any of those posts? Look, it is not an affair that makes her wayward. If you read the first page of the first thread in those links, you would understand what I mean by that statement. She has already developed a wayward mindset before she engages in some type of affair. Having an affair is an act of rebellion against her H and their M. I'd guess that she's been showing lesser signs or degrees of rebellion for years......but you apparently did not recognize her reactions/behavior to you, as rebellion.
FWIW, I was very depressed, too, when I engaged in an EA.
Now, about what the MC says. Outside of religious type of writings, I don't find the word "wayward" used that much on line or in secular books. You can google it, and you'll mostly get Biblical scripture references. It's not a popular word to describe a wife these days, however, the definition of wayward fits her perfectly. You'll come closer to finding material under the topic of hard-hearted wife. IMHO, that definition does not completely cover the subject of a wayward wife. BTW, Michele Davis does not divide the WAW & WW into separate definitions, so you won't find WW in her book. Anyway, back to your MC. I see newcomers get confused when they are talking to counselors, friends, relatives, reading dozens of books, and joining various forums. All that advice from various sources is not going to match. So, you may have to decide who or what source to follow.
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Do I just get up and leave MC when she starts to get angry and go off? I do hang up on her every now and then when she gets angry, but I feel like she does that to me more! That’s why I feel like she DB’s as much as I do!
No.........if you insist on using a MC before your WW is ready to reconcile for the right reasons, then allow the counselor to be in control of the sessions. If you get up and walk out, then why attend? There is a lot about DBing you have to learn, and most people don't try to get it all said in one post (except may me).
If you'll study personal boundaries, then you can set one about not continuing a phone call when you are being disrespected by the caller. Boundaries are to protect you. They are not about controlling the other person.
BTW, I've been meaning to ask what you are doing to GAL. Can you share a list of activities you do to get a life?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
