From the other side (#10)

[Gerda]

SBJ, my friend.

I am rarely in agreement with the admonitions here to have no expectations. I mean, yes, you should not expect anything from her. But you can expect everything from God.

To me that sounds like a softening heart.

I am not saying she is going to come back tomorrow or that you should show up at her door with roses. But I am saying it's a softening heart. She is starting to see a little.

I don't think you can do anything to make her see more. But I know you can do a lot to harden her heart again.

But if you keep being the kind and loving and detached SBJ that you are, patient and patient and patient again, maybe her heart will keep softening.

I have been having quite a few arguments with God lately about standing. I am in a way tempted to give up my stand -- or rather, to allow connection with someone else while waiting for H to come back, instead of living the life of a nun that seemed so clear to me before my H went deep back in the tunnel and pulled out the evil torture financial devices he is employing in this dreadful divorce. I don't want to remarry and I don't want to openly date. But I miss the connection a man gives to a woman's heart.

I no longer believe in my H anymore. But I still believe in God. I still think God can do the impossible. I am just not really wanting to ask him for that so much as assure him that no matter what I do to turn my back on God's will in the meantime, I will accept my H back if God sends him back.

The point of that is, I am the last one to say that this is possible but -- watch and wait. I don't know what will happen for you and if it will take months or years. And I don't know what you will do during that time. But to me it seems like a huge blessing, a heart of flesh growing in her. So watch and wait as much as you can.

(((((SBJ))))))) my friend