I do agree that I am still attached and I’m trying to get off of it and go to a more middle ground. When she’s upset, I’m ok. When she’s happy, I’m ok.
I do want to let you know that I feel like I’ve been doing all of this hard work for me. I would be blind if I didn’t say it was also for our marriage, but ultimately it is for me. If I make these lasting changes then I will be a better person regardless.
Would you care to explain more about what you meant when you said, ‘ The reason why the people who want out of the MR do nothing is because they don't feel they are the problem or feel that they have anything to work on. The initial motivation to change for the LBS is certainly driven by their feelings for their spouse and their desire to not get D'd but over time that will change?’
I would like to know more about what you mean. She has told me several times before that she feels that she’s done nothing wrong and wants me to take the blame for everything. I have taken the blame for the S, but I don’t think anything I’ve done is cause for a D. I’ve told her I blame her for that decision, as that’s not on me.
Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
The reason why you are on the roller coaster is because you are still attached to her and you are actively trying to save your marriage. No one on this board knows what your W is thinking and neither do you. You are doing all of these things loosing weight, reading, learning etc. with the hopes of your W noticing and then she would return. You don't do these things for her you do them for yourself. You are still so very focused on everything that your W does.
Do what you want to do for you, for your S. Become a better man for you and your S. Lose weight for yourself,, get healthy for yourself. Shift your focus...none of what I mentioned has anything to do with your wife. Or don't do anything, just like she is doing and move forward with your life.
The reason why the people who want out of the MR do nothing is because they don't feel they are the problem or feel that they have anything to work on. The initial motivation to change for the LBS is certainly driven by their feelings for their spouse and their desire to not get D'd but over time that will change.
Become the man you want to be not what your W wants or you think she wants you to be.
It is very obvious when people start to make the shift because they stop posting about their W and what she is doing or saying and they post more about what they are doing to become a better person.
