Story and Symptoms of WAW/MLC Part 4

[Rose888]

People choose to stand for their marriages for lots of reasons:
* They take they vows seriously and feel a moral/spiritual obligation to uphold them for as long as possible
* They recognize that people are imperfect, and that in any relationship that lasts decades, your partner is going to do things that hurt and disappoint you
* They value the past and the shared history
* They think it's best for kids to live in a home with both of their parents at the same time
* They recognize that they contributed to the demise of their marriage, and they want to see how much the marriage can improve through their own efforts

Now, standing for your marriage does not mean you can't consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and how things are likely to play out if your spouse pursues separation or divorce. You seeing a lawyer is not the same thing as doing the work of the divorce!

It would be good for you to get a legal perspective on your situation.

As far as the house goes, it's hard to tell without knowing the specifics. You have shared before that many (all?) of these projects were ones you had committed to doing during your marriage but had not yet done. Your wife's actions come across as strong and not petty--rather than keep nagging you to do the things you said you were going to do and didn't do, she took matters into her own hands and arranged for others to do them. You had fair warning that this work was going to be done by others, and you didn't step in and do the work (thus saving the costs). I'm not sure what a lawyer would say--which is why you need to see one--but it doesn't seem unreasonable that the cost of getting that work done would be taken into consideration when dealing with the value of the house.

I know you see stopping anything but basic housework as being part of DBing, but it comes across as very petty.