So so new to this :(

[Rita]

Nyla my darling girl, you started posting here in May. That was a few months ago. Do you think you are Superwoman?

I am in year seven. I think about H less now. Year seven, my dear.

You have a heart made to love. You can't turn it off like a hose at your summer house.

Go read my previous post about the box. Keep putting your feelings in their and water it with tears and watch flowers grow.

Grieve, my friend. Daily. That's real.

H's feelings for OW are not real. It's addiction, lust, confusion. Of course he is confused.

But don't say a word. Hold it in and get that breezy feeling on your face until he leaves. Then scream into a pillow. Not to repress but to let him get to the rock bottom on his own.

It might take a while.

And by a while I mean a couple of years.

Just be your beautiful self and try not to let him see your pain.

But let yourself see your pain. It's a burden to carry, don't pretend it's not there or think you are on some kind of superhuman timetable of detachment. You know who is on a superhuman timetable of detachment? THE MLCer!!!! They do it all fast and furious and marvel at how happy they are in their new lives. And then they spiral. It's going to happen at some point, the only question is when. I assure you that the new girl does not make a home like yours or provide any of what H really needs. Just let that happen and the break-up will never appear as your idea, but only as his, when it gets to that point. I am not saying it will happen this year or next. And maybe it will take years. I am just saying it will happen. Even if it weren't MLC but just statistically.

I don't agree with those here who say he has to be perfectly ready to work on the marriage to return. But I am not sure we can put that kind of condition on a return of a broken spouse. I think of Gordie on this one.

I don't know how you can carry your burden without God but maybe through the love of your friends here, you can unload some of that burden on our shoulders, which is really the same thing.

I still owe your D a letter and hopefully will do that in the next few days.