How can I feel so confident and feel "happy, content, and complete" for a while, and then BAM, anxious and not so content.
You listed some really good points and I do like the “way” you spoke about detachment.
Originally Posted by Grace21
Why do I still care?
Because you care.
Let me use me and my situation. Perhaps you will see some similarities. Use whatever works and discard the rest.
I would loose my contentment every now and then as well. Wondering why I still cared about W.
I lived with the woman, loved this woman, for 30+ years. Of course I care!
The problem isn’t the lack of detachment. It’s accepting that you care. The problem is trying (notice wording - destine to fail) to not care. I’ve cared for 30 years, that just isn’t going to stop - well not if one is compassionate and empathetic.
Obtaining detachment and finding indifference is key to one’s healing. Remaining compassionate, accepting who you are, and what you feel; allows one to find a compassionate indifference, something like tough love.
I still get feeling of caring towards W, and thoughts as well. I remain happy and content, these feelings and thoughts are reminders, are proof, that those 30 years were real. Yes those years are over; and I cherish memories of more good than bad times.
I embraced my feelings, my beliefs, and accepted them. Kindness and compassion - let the chips fall where they do. W had an affair, threw away her kids and her life, and divorced me. That will not, and does not define me. I could have turned to vengeance and found a non-caring way through my foggy path. I could have altered my beliefs - that didn’t suit me.
Grace, you can alter and change your beliefs. Do you want to not care? Personally, I suggest not working towards that. I see you as a caring kind woman, embrace that. Accept that, and find peace with you caring about H. With that achieved you will not obsess over him and OW - it’s trying to not care that brings him and her into the forethought too much.
Accept you care and let go.
It’s easier than it might look. This is all you, absolutely nothing to do with H. You can be indifferent to his actions and behaviours; and still be at peace with your feelings.
You have achieve peace and contentment, and then those feelings of caring come back. You can fight it, or accept it. Which one looks more peaceful to you? Which suits you?
Have a wonderful vacation.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
