OM Backed Out

[tadpole1025]

Thanks bttfrfly and DnJ.

Bttrfly, when I say over emotional, I mean seriously over emotional or hyper emotional. It's stuff that doesn't make sense. For instance:

(1) I used to love watching "Deadliest Catch" on Discovery Channel. It was my all-time favorite show. Can't watch it anymore because I "feel bad" for the crabs.

(2) The last time I was at the park, there were two men fishing and one of them had a crumpled up soda can and empty bag of potato chips sitting next to him. I shouted "Don't forget to take your litter when you leave." I would never do this before. I wasn't nasty towards them but it could have been interpreted that way.

(3) I used to be a big wildlife documentary fan. I used to love watching them all the time. Now, I have to watch them with caution because if I see animals dying or being eaten by other animals. It makes me sick....physically sick....upsets my stomach. I'm almost certain that this is not normal. Not for me anyways. I've always loved sea life and birds growing up, but never actually cared about things this way or was never bothered by things like this.

DnJ, good words. If my feelings towards innocent things are feelings that have been stirred up, shouldn't they go away eventually? I mean, is it always going to be like this? They seem to intensify over time.

It could be that not wanting a relationship is denial, but I truly don't want one. To me, a relationship just complicates things. I'm happy with the way things are. I like things to be simple.

Seeing the grand baby - I am very busy with work, but I plan to see him every other week if I can. Hopefully, every week from time to time. Just don't want to be a bother to the new mom and dad. As mentioned before, I actually have another grandson that I never see. I've never met him. S33 is "estranged" I guess and nobody on our side of the family sees him much. That could also have something to do with the way I feel towards this new baby.

I'm generally well, but have been struggling a little bit lately. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm just an after thought or second choice where my boys are concerned. I work a lot and live in a very small apartment. XW has a nice house and has time and money to do things. (Still convinced that she only married OM for money and I was no longer good enough for her.) The boys always spend holidays with her. She always goes overboard with things like that. I usually get a text or message on Facebook from them and that's usually it. Again, just feel like an after thought and probably wouldn't even be missed if I moved away. Sorry, just wanted that off my chest.

Peace.

Tad