You're such a good mum, Dilly. It is hard getting conversation out of teenagers! In this post I can see you having all these bittersweet feelings - being proud of your kids, and loving seeing them grow and get new experiences and also feeling regret that you don't have a partner or even a co-parent to share that with, and acceptance of the reality of the situation - that you've never really had that, and that's your husband's loss.
I can imagine your future you know. These grown children coming to see you and sharing their lives with you - wanting you to know what they've been up to, and getting out into the world with all the self esteem and confidence that you've given them by being close to them. And your own life opening up more and more, each year bringing you new experiences. And your H, getting more and more involved with his drink and his work, more and more lonely and internally impoverished, until his own children are polite strangers to him, if that.
I know you're considering this holiday for the benefit of your kids - but I think your kids probably know more than you're giving them credit for. Wasn't it one of your children who said he was glad that your H had moved out, as at least he wouldn't spend the whole winter being mean and unpleasant to you all, as he usually did? It is hard to face reality, and even harder to encourage your children to do it - but I think in this new world your most important job as their mother is to help them face the truth of their father's emotional neglect of them without enabling it or denying it, and make sure they know it isn't their fault and there's nothing they could or should have done differently. I think the best way you can teach them that is by truly believing it for yourself and acting accordingly.
It sounds like you have a pair of marvellous sons. Your H is an utter fool, but it is his right to be. Leave him to it and take your young men on a wonderful holiday and make some new memories with them. No doubt they will be irritating and difficult at times - but what teenagers aren't? What is forgivable behaviour from a teenager is something you can celebrate no longer having to tolerate from your husband!
