I disagree with LH a bit. I think living together is most conducive to saving a marriage. I also think that you should be cordial throughout your sitch. I truly believe that you should kill her with kindness. (NOTE: This is not about "living for her" or becoming her slave, it is about returning good for evil. She yells, you remain calm. She throws off her vows, you double down on your vows. She goes out and hurts the marriage, you remain true to your marriage.
Steve, thank you so much for writing this. THIS is exactly how I want to DB. I know that I frustrate you guys with how bad I am at DBing, but I am getting better. I really am. But, I still need to be better at putting into practice what I learn from you guys.
What you said above is in line with my personality and values. If I can DB using this mindset, I think I can be successful.
Originally Posted by Steve85
That is what being AMOAFWL is all about. I watch videos for another relationship expert. He promotes the idea of good guys to great men. (You can google that.)
Steve, I am reading and watching the videos on that website. Thank you!! What are you doing to become AMOAFWL? I think it would help me to hear what you have focused on doing and becoming.
Originally Posted by Steve85
But Destroyd, how has "living for her" been working out for you? Stop doing what doesn't work. start doing what does work. Imagine your W's surprise when she says "I need you to do this" and you say "That will have to wait because I am going to do this thing I want to do". She is going to wonder "Hmmm, he doesn't usually do that." Believe it or not it works.
I have never been one to play hard to get. That is not how I got her in the first place, but I do think that I need to add this to my playbook.
Originally Posted by Steve85
This is the dynamic that makes DBing work. When you back off and give her time and space. Go out and GAL. Detach. And start working on you and 180ing to improve. yourself. The distance-pursuit dynamic kicks in and the WAW gets curious. Go read that thread. It is so important that you become a little mysterious. Most of us LBHs have the temptation to become an open book after BD. When we should do the exact opposite..
What have you been focusing on to GAL? What 180s did you work on?
I really appreciate everyone's time on here, especially all the help you have given to me Steve. Thank you so much!!
