OMG Wolf! I cannot believe your W cannot empathize or recall an event like that. That sounds so sociopathic, and sad for everyone involved, you, your daughter, W, and D friend. How can you not at least empathise with that first, and then subtly segway into moving on. Talk about invalidating your D feelings!!!
As far as the selfishness goes. For 10 months ive been trying to figure this out. Logically, hormonally, psychologicaly, and spiritually. The only thing I can come up with from my own sich, is some people who felt like they were the care takers for years from child hood into adult hood. They caught a glimpse of someone close to them dying, or getting sick, and said to themselves, I'm going to put me first above all else, no matter what the cost, and I am going to do whatever feels good or right that justifies my actions. Hence the MLC. Their attitude is Life is short, everybody gets there's, I've given too much of myself away. Nobody appreciated it, it was all on me, why shouldn't I get mine. And they seek out all their wordly pleasures. Affairs, pampering, new clothes, new friends, new hobbies, careers, lifestyles, etc, then they look at all the bad, remember little of the good, and go on a train wreck crash course. (Or so we think. They think they are just putting themselves first, and "standing up for themselves. " for once) some of it's relating to coping skills.
Childhood trauma. Dynamics family Dynamics previous parenting on how they were raised. It all gets blamed on my father was an alcoholic or he was emotionally unavailable or my mother was borderline or all this other crap. You can seek out all the answers you want in Psychology and biology and make yourself crazy like I did for 10 months. Don't get me wrong it's all useful information for knowing what some of the real issues are. All the stuff posted here by John Gottman and Robert Glover, all the books on these crisis's they are all helpful. But truthfully trying to ingest all this information for me even though I get it. To me its human wisdom. It serves purpose but it is not simple. I think it's a spirit of rebellion. The simple way for me to deal with this is that the spirit of rebellion and Satan's using his lies and deceit and deception to divide families and Gods order and biblical wisdom since the beginning. If I have to go crazy following handbook Manual of how to be an alpha and do XYZ and act like ABC, and all kind of Behavioral BS, although useful it's just too complex for anyone to fully take in. it's more suffering but it's simpler for me to just put my faith and trust in the Lord, and give it up to him before I have a mental breakdown.
Everytime I come back here to this form wanting to help and empathize with everyone here, I keep having to remind myself that I'm turning to man's Wisdom and not God's. That's why I'm stuck between the spiritual and the natural because in this world what we know is what we can see and everything is natural but it's also full of sin. I know this but that doesn't mean that I live it. But to also ignore it would be foolish. I guess that's where faith and trust comes in. If God and Jesus are going to make me a fool, then I guess it's going to be for my own greater good, whatever that may be in glory to him. I dunno? I have to keep reminding myself that my anger is coming from Satan too, and I have to process it, and let it go, then reject it. Jesus Christ was rejected by the Pharisees, The San Hedrin, and his own people and not everybody would hear or listen to him either and he was perfect.
Ill pray for you Wolfie. And everyone else on here as well. I don't know what good it's going to do but while I got to lose?
I hope you guys are having a good 4th with your kids.
