IH YOUR QUOTE: We all think we drop the rope, and in a way we do once we get to a certain point. Until we get to the next phase of seperation. Then it starts over again until we recover and readjust, at least that is the way it is for me. I go nuts with every closer move but then I recover and I readjust. I struggle with it every day.
You are not alone here. I feel exactly the same way. Just as I feel like I am ready to deal with my situation, she will make an appointment for the mediator, get an email from the lawyer or whatever else. Then I become completely depressed that she is still moving forward. I am right there with you brother. A lot of what you say I feel exactly the same. With the anger and frustration but I still love her and love my family. It just f-in [censored] that it takes 2 to get married but one to d. I just got an email yesterday about the paperwork is almost done they just need a few more details. When I got that email my stomach dropped. It shouldn’t because I knew it was coming. Yet when I got it I still felt panicked. I wish I could make it all go away for you. I wish I could make the pain stop for you. You also mentioned about putting it off for so long. I think we all do that with the hopes it really won’t happen. It’s just our denial kicking in. All your emotions brother are exactly what I feel too!! Trust me you are not alone.
Thanks Wolfie. Exactly what you describe is about panicking and your stomach dropping out when you face the inevitable, but what you knew all along from your logic is the part I can't figure out? Like of course most of us knew they would go through with it months in advanced, and they would follow through. Why wouldn't they not announce and declare it and not? (Some dont. Some are just sneaky about it.) That's what I beat myself up over. I saw all the chess moves months and months in advance, but refused to follow through with them because my emotions weren't consistent. One week or two I would be detached. Then the next week I would delude myself into having my own deluded false hope, even though I know it wasnt my reality based off her responses. That's not living in reality and living on your own deluded false hope. What kind of idiot does that? But yeah. The temporary panic that sets in sets off unnerving anxiety, even though we were expecting it. Then we recover. There's something wrong with most of us here dealing with facts and logic deluded by emotions and memories of a person that no longer exists. But I will tell you. I would rather deal with the adrenaline of being shot at doing a run and gun, then receive these death by a thousand paper cuts by my own deluded reality of false hope. The anger that temporarily comes with it shoot me up with adrenaline that wants part retribution and part peace because of who they are, or were I should say.
Everyone thanks for listening, adding in, and 2x4 ing when needed. I think its time to get ready to start making some calculating moves. Watching War Games now. ;-)
