The truth is I cannot love her for what she is doing. So why do I keep wanting to just keep suffering in 10 months of status quo? Its not good for me, she is no longer good for me. Maybe she never was? Maybe she was never the person I thought she was? Sometimes I really want to get spiteful ( not physically) and lash out legally. I wish God would send me a sign or a dream or something on what to do? Sever the M and protect myself? Or start moving, protecting, and covering my a$$. I'm really torn over this and feel like a fool for even praying that she comes around. I know I can't control any of this, so why worry about it. Just deal with it as it comes at me, one situation at a time. I dont know if D is imminent (it probably is) but S and Mediating and house arrangement are going to piss me off, turn me cold and tacit, and once I go down that road following her lead on how far she wants to take things, Im going to get bitter and nasty, and I don't want that for myself or her. I really f@$king hate her right now. But eventually I will level out, be polite, and di what I have to do.
