Steve85 I did drop the rope a couple of months ago, but the thing is what we focus on is what we become. When I focus on the natural and just what the world is, it builds up bitterness in me but it keeps me detached. Behavioral stuff, DB, Psychology, Legal, Self Help, IC, Rolo Tomassi, Robert Glover NMMNG, Attraction, Etc. When I focus on the spiritual. It is what keeps my mind off focus on the natural from my mind going absolutely nuts because of the compulsive thinking of all of human wisdom and nature applicable to attraction, social interaction, communication skills, etc. The spiritual side provides hope, and some detachment in a way. But when you take marriage from an unbreakable covenant with some biblical excusion for bad choices, and then you take the natural, where you just look out for yourself and leave them in the dust. It messes with your head and your heart a little.
We all think we drop the rope, and in a way we do once we get to a certain point. Until we get to the next phase of seperation. Then it starts over again until we recover and readjust, at least that is the way it is for me. I go nuts with every closer move but then I recover and I readjust. I struggle with it every day.
Limbic side is like :"F$CK HER DROP HER LIKE A BAD HABIT. You don't need this person or this limbo stress in your life anymore. The other side wants to hold my covenant. Not just for her. Oh mediator/attorney has her confirmed as of yesyerday for her. She is also trying to back charge me on some work done around the house, and other debts she pursued by her own choice, and wants for reimbursement. She doesn't know that I know yet, and hasn't said anything. I put up a FB post of me and S1 at an indoor park today, and she immediately commented on it, once again undermining my patenting skills. She commented "Why do I picture S1 rolling down falling down the obstacle he climbed up" He climbed up and down it all by himself and we had a great time. Her mind has all these irritional fears of S1 getting obducted too.
These actions really bring out the hatred in me for her. I think its time for me to stop screwing around legally. I need to L up and protect myself. I have had 10 months to prepare for this and have done nothing. (Again delusional on my part.) When I could have potentialy nailed her a$$ to the wall. Im so angry right now. I just want this either to stop, and make amends, or I want to screw her hard since she is getting colder by her actions, but not interactions, by the day. I have been feeling ike taking the initiative to legally slam dunk her for 7 months. But just can't because I still love her. Then I ask myself? I must be absolutely insane and in complete denial of what is. Based on her 10 months of crazy actions. The anger, the wanting to gain the upper hand, and the desire to wanting to make peace and stop this train wreck is tearing me apart.
