Hi Ihclacs, the last couple days sound horrible, having many indications she’s pressing forward legally. Sorry, mate.
Re: What AnotherStander said just before you shifted to the new thread, that was my read as well. Your challenges at her plus dismissal seem at odds with the DB approach of validation.
An example from my weekend—my partner was reading a book by the campfire, had been for awhile. I went to our tent and turned in. She fumed for 4hrs. “What upset you about my going to sleep?” “I felt you didn’t want to spend any time with me!” “Wow, that must have hurt.” “Yeah, it did!” “Because you love me.” “Yes, and I wanted to spend precious quality time together.” I never apologized for this. I see her more at fault for fuming. Validation doesn’t imply agreement. I did also reassure her I wanted to spend time together and (wrong) told her she should’ve woken me and told me what was wrong (better: If you feel upset about something, it’s okay to wake me to talk about it.)
You don’t have to validate. I get you feel her actions aren’t in line with God’s will, and maybe for you telling her what your studied beliefs of God’s will say about what she’s doing is more important than brownie points.
