Journalling - though not really that much to update!
I continue to feel pretty steady most of the time, with little bursts of anger and deep sadness that I try to take care of, but don't act on. I suppose this is grief, and I am going through it, and most days feel a bit easier than the last. The dark panic and flailing of the early part of this year has gone. I am so much stronger now. The urge to placate him at all costs has gone too. I suppose the sadness is looking at him and realising that no matter how much I wish it were not so, he's not capable of being the husband I deserve right now and that my job is only to accept that. It is coming much easier than it did.
H has started therapy - he told me a couple of days ago. I didn't respond a great deal at the time other than to wish him well with it, but my feeling is that I hope he takes it seriously and that it is of benefit to him, but I don't want to hear much about it. It needs to be something he does for himself, not for me and not even for his kids. He's on his own journey and I don't really want to interfere with that. He's been respectful and friendly and so have I, but there's a definite distance and boundary there and he is respecting that.
He's back at work next week and we need to sort out something predictable and regular for childcare - he's been off these past three weeks so he's been doing more in the way of school runs, which has been good for Youngest and helpful to me. But I'd prefer a regular schedule that suits us both and cuts down on the amount of time he's at my door to collect or drop off. I will text him a few different options over the weekend and ask him to pick which suits him best.
