So how do i not pursue her without sending the message that i’m done or coming across as too harsh? She has a job but gets broke after bills so she has to use my money for food or bills still due, we had moved houses a few months ago so she could afford to live on her own, but it appears she can’t afford it. She let me come back and stay with her, but things haven’t improved since then, she said she feels anxious and depressed around me so she’s been making a lot of plans without me to stay out of the house. She does suffer from anxiety and has to take zoloft 100mg, she’s been on it for about a year and a half. She is doing stuff i don’t like like snap chatting other guys, changing her phone password so i can’t see it even though i don’t try to, i want to talk about it without attacking her or over stepping, i know she wouldn’t cheat, that’s one thing that attracted me to her was her loyalty. I’ve cut back on saying i love you to twice a day, morning then at night, she always responds with just goodbye or goodnight, i really want to be able to kiss and hold her but she doesn't want to, i still want to do nice things for her and give her sweet surprises to let her know i was thinking about her, but i also want her to respect me, and trust me, and think of me as a man. I haven’t been initiating texts or anything the past few days, only responding to hers.
Unless you have a non traditional marriage, she is already cheating. Emotional affairs are affairs. And with her staying out all the time I can only imagine where this has gone. By that I mean that it may be more than emotional. Just prepare for the fact that she has been with someone else. 99% of the situations here involve a OM/OW and yours does too.
You want her to respect you, but you don't even respect yourself right now. She's out running around, spending your money b/c she's not responsible enough to cover her bills, talking to god knows how many guys, and yelling at you about BS. But here you come with "I love you's" and a sweet surprise. This is not attractive. She said she wants out you need to respect that decision. You need to be the one going out and enjoying life and not thinking about her all the time. So, stop telling her I love you, stop pursuing her, and go GAL (get a life) with your friends. Make new friends even.
You don't be mean about it, but put yourself first. You are getting taking advantage of big time. And you aren't going to talk your way out of this either. Give it time, give her space, focus on you.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
