Thank you Dilly!! It’s so interesting, it feels like I legitimately didn’t realize how lonely I’ve been until now, and it’s hitting me hard. BUT, it does not feel like missing my husband. It feels like pure loneliness, and missing the affection and intimacy and companionship of being with someone. It’s been over a year since I’ve had ANY part of that (since H moved out) , and much longer than that with not a whole lot more (while we were still together). I guess getting a tiny taste of attention from a man I found attractive really brought it to my attention.
I know, as you say, that some of the husbands we discuss here have the capability and desire to do the hard work deep down. I believe with every ounce of myself that mine does not. And I think I’ve known that for a long, long time. This weekend I realized that a big part of why I’ve hung on is because of my fear that it’s not possible for someone else to love me and my daughter as a package deal. I saw a glimpse of the possibility of that, I saw us through the eyes of other people, and saw that I am not damaged goods. The right man for me will love my daughter as much as I do. I won’t settle for anything less. But at least I know that it’s possible. I’m feeling a bit heartbroken. But not over my husband. It’s the loneliness, and the fact that I spent a year of my life waiting for someone who didn’t deserve it. And if I’m honest, it’s a bit that I met someone who saw me the way I want to be seen, right at the moment I became ready to meet someone, but he isn’t available. I want to be open and available to meet someone if they come along. But I want to be careful not to transfer my focus from my H to trying to find someone new. I want to remain focused on my daughter, and myself and making our life great again.
