Is it too late.. divorce pending?

[BluWave]

SzyL,

I am sorry this is hard for you. I can see your struggle. Can you think of the 10 days as a gift of time and self discovery, rather than a loss and loneliness? It can be really hard to shift our perspective in that way, especially when we are feeling down and out, but it can be very, very effective. What if this were 10 days that you planned for yourself? What types of things would you fill them up with? I am not great about remembering to make lists, but when I do, it feels great to do them and cross them off. Can you put a list together of tasks and GAL activities while they are gone? Commit to a couple each day. Do things you enjoy that your family doesn't. One of the silver linings in my sitch, was that I learned to be more independent, enjoy my alone time more, and also realized that I don't actually need my H to be okay in life. No one does. It is all about perspective.

Regarding him staying at your house, well I think that is massive cake eating. If you read any of my posts, you will see that I take a very hard line approach. I tend to think that WH will not even reconsider coming back until they actually lose their W and family time. He has to know that you are not plan B, that you are fine without him, and that you are moving on with your life. That means ZERO cake, ZERO pursuit, going dark, and only responding to emails about kids/finances. He moved out and told you he wanted D, so you are planning your life accordingly. Look, when people move on, get D, and date other people, they rarely ever have a friendship, family time, and stay with one another. So by allowing that now, it just smacks of desperation. He doesn't want to come back to that even if at times he enjoys the cake of family.

On the flip side, if he saw a beautiful, strong and confident woman, much like the woman he met, and she was moving on with her life and had lost any interest in him at all, well wouldn't you know, he would surely be having second thoughts and might even feel like he needs to hurry up before it's too late ....You know which WH that messes up and then comes running home and begging the W to take them back? It is the W that puts her foot down, let's go, and moves on without looking back, because she knows she is the prize and it's his loss. She is not sad, needy, and desperately waiting for time with him or hoping he will return. She is confident, completely disinterested and detached in a guy like that, but also able to be cordial for the kids sake (she is not Plan B). It might feel pretty arse backwards, but this is human nature. He wants what he cannot have. But those LBWs do not post here, because they are not trying to save their M, so we cannot see it ...

My best advice to you -- and anyone here -- get Audible on your phone and your first book is free. The best thing I have heard in awhile is "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F-uck." By author M.M. I thought it would be cheesy self help book but it is so much more than that. It is brillant, insightful and down right hilarious. The way he reads it and is this great story teller, is sheer entertainment too. It will no doubt help you gather a much greater perspective of your life during this mess.

Blu