While there is a grain of truth in her recreation of what I have done wrong in our marriage, for the most part she is conveniently forgetting about all the other great stuff I have done.
I think a lot of us feel like our wife should love us for our deeds. I think that's a guy thing. But while we may have done a lot of great deeds most of us really neglected our wives emotionally. That is usually what drives them away, they are looking to fill that need. So you say she's "forgetting", I doubt it. Those deeds probably just weren't important to her like you (and I) thought they were. They weren't good enough to continue in an emotionally dead M.
Originally Posted by Destroyd
LH,
I know you are right. I am trying to become less dependent on my W. This is one of my 180s (for me) and GAL activities. I know this is a problem.
I am trying to pursue less, but I struggle with this too. I have stopped saying I love you. I have stopped any physical touching. But I still set up date nights and family outings. I still ask if she wants to watch a TV show before bed. 75% of the time she does. We are probably in the friend zone. It is better than being in mortal combat, but living in the same house makes it difficult to stop playing house.
I love some of LH's "blunt force trauma" posts There are "laws of attraction" that drive both men and women to choose a partner. If we ignore those laws we do so at our own peril. You may think it's "right" to remain in the friendzone with your W, but will it attract her back? Probably not. To attract her back you have to recognize what women are attracted to and model your behavior after that. The distance/pursuit dynamic is a classic case of how counter-intuitive these laws can be. You pursue and she distances, so your brain says "you're not pursuing hard enough, let's double down!" So you pursue more which makes her run away even faster. But if you can reign in your impulses and instead PULL BACK, then suddenly she's more interested. So that's at the heart of LH's comment- to attract your W back you've got to set aside all this crap you THINK you should be doing and instead learn and follow the laws of attraction.
There are "laws of attraction" that drive both men and women to choose a partner. If we ignore those laws we do so at our own peril. You may think it's "right" to remain in the friendzone with your W, but will it attract her back? Probably not. To attract her back you have to recognize what women are attracted to and model your behavior after that. The distance/pursuit dynamic is a classic case of how counter-intuitive these laws can be. You pursue and she distances, so your brain says "you're not pursuing hard enough, let's double down!" So you pursue more which makes her run away even faster. But if you can reign in your impulses and instead PULL BACK, then suddenly she's more interested. So that's at the heart of LH's comment- to attract your W back you've got to set aside all this crap you THINK you should be doing and instead learn and follow the laws of attraction.