Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[curtis7]

I agree with everything Ovr wrote to you. He gave you great advice. You know what's great about this forum, it's that people give their time and advice for free. His advice is worth more than what any person you can pay, can give you. After I got DBed I went crazy, charging my credit cards looking for answers, talking to this expert and that expert, and all along, my best advice, came from Sandi, AS, other experts and fellow DBers here.

I skimmed through your sitch, and I don't have to read it all, because your WW needs the same actions as any other, tough love.

You should read "Love must be tough", by James Dobson. The best chance you have of getting your W back now, is completely letting her go an moving forward with your life. Not moving "on" but forward.

JoeJoe, I agree that advice from Over and the other experts is $$$. Finding the courage to follow it can be a challenge at times because it is counter-intuitive. It is sinking in, but I’ve certainly slipped up along the way.

I’ve also read Dobson’s book and it gave me a good understanding and confidence to apply Tough Love.

Goals

1. Inform her of your boundaries (know your boundaries and the consequences first)
2. Respect yourself, by not allowing her to disrespect you, inturn gaining her respect
3. Love tough (not mean, nasty, or hurtful)
4. Look out for signs of her shifting her actions (coming out the fog) Note them when you see them

Examples, I wrote down (yours will be different). My W texting me asking for help, my W texting me to tell me random things about her day. My wife touching me in any way. My wife, asking me about my day. My wife asking me what I want for dinner, her asking to watch a show together. Her changing her language, from I'm done to, I'm not sure what I want. Her saying "her future", to "our future" or using the word "we".

Her doing just one or two of those most likely not her changing her direction towards me again, but her doing multiple of those things, consistently, shows a change. Look out for your W changing direction, by you changing direction.

Those examples are perfect and are what I want. I would be ecstatic with her starting to do a few of those.