You and me both. I really want to be heard, and when I feel like someone isn't listening then I want to MAKE them hear me, LOL! I think that's a NGS thing and it's something I still wrestle with. But yes you are correct, it doesn't matter because she doesn't care right now. It's 100% about her. So listening and validating is the way to go. There's no pressure or confrontation in validation.
I read the NGS, but I don’t think that’s really about me. I do some of those things, but not most of them. Listen and validate. Listen and validate.
Can I even start the conversation with her to ask her how her day was? If I don’t, I don’t think we will even talk.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Maybe I misunderstood but it sounded like she wanted S on your day, you refused, she pitched a fit, you invited her to spend the day with YOU and S. In other words "you only get S if you get me too" which is more along the lines of relationship pressure. Now if you were picking S up and he said "we're going to the zoo mom!" then you might say "you're welcome to join us if you wish." That's a little more neutral if that makes sense, it's more S focused which is the intent.
I understand and will continue to do what we had spoken about earlier.
You were right. She wanted him and I told her I thought we could all hang out together, but she refused.
Why would she do that?
Also, she is totally disgusted with me. Why does she feel that way?
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I know it does! But when you get as far down the road as me, it'll all seem like a distant, hazy memory. I know that's really hard to believe right now but it's true.
Those first few weeks already seem like I was in a haze and I probably was in a haze. I don’t know how someone can do this and actually live with the self, especially her. She justifies it by saying she’s doing it for herself and what’s best for our child.
Why?!?
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I hear that a lot and I always wonder, what is so bad with being done with her? If you're "done" then you'll no longer hurt, and fret, and be anxious. Every one of the vets here will tell you- detachment is PEACE. It is zen. It is you being content NO MATTER WHAT happens to your M. Who wouldn't want that?
This is just my feelings and I’m not judging anyone at all. I am a family man. I always have been and always hope to be. I took my vows seriously and I’m proud of my little family, even my wife. I’ll do anything to get them back, not from a place of codependency, but from a place of strength and pride.
