I feel like that’s tough because I want to get out what I need to say, but I guess it doesn’t really matter right now.
You and me both. I really want to be heard, and when I feel like someone isn't listening then I want to MAKE them hear me, LOL! I think that's a NGS thing and it's something I still wrestle with. But yes you are correct, it doesn't matter because she doesn't care right now. It's 100% about her. So listening and validating is the way to go. There's no pressure or confrontation in validation.
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I thought that suggesting she come along and going regardless was one of Sandi’s rules. If I misunderstood, when would something like be appropriate?
Maybe I misunderstood but it sounded like she wanted S on your day, you refused, she pitched a fit, you invited her to spend the day with YOU and S. In other words "you only get S if you get me too" which is more along the lines of relationship pressure. Now if you were picking S up and he said "we're going to the zoo mom!" then you might say "you're welcome to join us if you wish." That's a little more neutral if that makes sense, it's more S focused which is the intent.
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I have also invited her to different activities my son and I do once every time he’s with me. She always declines.
Yeah that sounds more like what I mean.
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Do we know why or have a good idea as to why she isn’t happy with her life?
Short answer- no. Long answer- no.
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4 months seems like FOREVER!
I know it does! But when you get as far down the road as me, it'll all seem like a distant, hazy memory. I know that's really hard to believe right now but it's true.
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This is easier said than done because I feel that if I completely detach, I’ll be done.
I hear that a lot and I always wonder, what is so bad with being done with her? If you're "done" then you'll no longer hurt, and fret, and be anxious. Every one of the vets here will tell you- detachment is PEACE. It is zen. It is you being content NO MATTER WHAT happens to your M. Who wouldn't want that?
