When the BD first happened to me, I had trouble being away from my wife. I had a lot of trouble staying focused at work. Now I am feeling worse being at home. I know that this is because I am not detached. My emotions are completely controlled by my wife's mood.
This weekend we had a great time. But yesterday, I sensed that my W didn't want to be around me. I ate dinner with my kids while she went outside to eat. Then she went for a walk, and then took a LONG shower (I have to admit that I worry she is texting someone when she is in the bathroom for a long time). Then she didn't come to bed until 1AM. It was clear that she just needed space. Well, I gave it to her. But, it left me feeling very lonely. Sometimes, I just can't live with the notion that she doesn't love me anymore. It is so hurtful.
I think that the hurt eventually is what is going to allow me to detach. I am starting to feel that I deserve better than this. I know that I still want my wife to love me, and I will always stand for our marriage. But the abandonment pain is slowly starting to strengthen me. However, I still live my life for her. I know I have to stop being this way, but it is a hard habit to break. But I am working on it.
I decided to take the day off work on Wednesday to take the kids to a festival. I invited my wife, but I am going to take them no matter what. This is a big step for me. I have to plan things to do by myself and with my kids. I will always invite my wife, but I need to start making my own plans. I need to create my own happiness. I am just not sure what that is yet.
AS, I think it was you that recommended that I look into RC planes. Well, I have been watching a lot of Youtube videos, and I think I am going to buy the Cub S Scout. The one that will land all by itself. Where do you fly these planes?
Destroyed, I went back in your threads and can't see where you say how old you are. See my signature at the bottom of my post? I suggest you go enter one similar, it will help us give you advice for your sitch.
Last edited by Steve85; 07/02/1912:00 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So you were 21 when you met. Which means you survived and thrived almost 1/2 your life without her. Which means you will survive and thrive again without her if that's what it comes to!
Man up. Hold your chin high. And realize that you're worth isn't tied up in whether she stays or goes.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
When the BD first happened to me, I had trouble being away from my wife. I had a lot of trouble staying focused at work. Now I am feeling worse being at home. I know that this is because I am not detached. My emotions are completely controlled by my wife's mood.
It's OK, these feelings are normal. You'll get there, just keep motoring forward!
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I think that the hurt eventually is what is going to allow me to detach. I am starting to feel that I deserve better than this.
Once you process the hurt then the healing and detachment kick in. And yes, you deserve better! We all do!
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However, I still live my life for her.
I'm curious what you mean by that? I would say that while I loved my XW and she was a very important part of my life, she wasn't my WHOLE life. I have always lived for me, as all people should. (EDIT- well I don't mean that all people should live for ME hahaha! For themselves ) If you don't love yourself, and live for yourself, and focus on your own health and well-being then you will never be able to love someone else effectively.
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AS, I think it was you that recommended that I look into RC planes. Well, I have been watching a lot of Youtube videos, and I think I am going to buy the Cub S Scout. The one that will land all by itself. Where do you fly these planes?
Is that by Horizon Hobby? A lot of their entry level planes come with "SAFE" which is a feature you can toggle on or off that makes the plane basically fly itself. So if you get into trouble you can hit the switch and it will stabilize. Or you can fly with it on the whole time and just let go of the sticks if you get in trouble and it will self-level. The Horizon Hobby planes are complete packages with charger and everything, and they are mostly assembled. They're great options for learning. If you do crash and break something usually you can use C/A glue and be back flying again in minutes.
I have an acre lot and can fly most of my planes, multirotors and helis right in my backyard. That's mostly what I do. But the bigger stuff I'll take to the park or one of the area schools to fly (I always find an area where there are no people walking around). When you're learning it's important to find a really large area free of obstructions because it'll take you a while to develop the depth perception you need to keep from running into trees and such. Even if you have to drive a while to get there, it's best to fly your first several flights at a place like that until you get comfortable flying (and especially landing), then you can fly in smaller areas closer to home. Oh, also the first few times you fly try and go on a day when there is little to no wind just so you can get the hang of things. Good luck!
AS, thanks for the RC Plane tips. Yes, I am talking about the Horizon Hobby plane. I think my kids would like the hobby as well.
LH, I am not sure why I feel like I have to ask her to go to the fair. I just always would have. And typically, she still asks me to go to these types of things. Old habits are hard to break? Or maybe, I am just delusional that I think she wants me to ask her to go? I feel like everything I knew in life is being reversed on me. My whole way of living is being pulled out from under me. This is such a terrible feeling.
) If you don't love yourself, and live for yourself, and focus on your own health and well-being then you will never be able to love someone else effectively.