So last night during webchat didn’t go well. She wants me to get rid of any privileges I won legally, as well as let her have our son this holiday on my day. I said no to both, so she got really really mad.
Listen and validate but stick to your guns.
"It sounds like you are very frustrated, I'm sorry you're having a difficult time with this."
"So you'll let me have S?"
"No, I already have plans with him that day."
You can be polite and validate without giving in to her demands.
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I offered to let all 3 of us spend the evening together, which she declined.
I wouldn't offer that, that's relationship pressure on her.
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She still has SO MUCH ANGER AND HATRED towards me 4 months out and I just don’t understand it.
This is exactly what happens. She's not happy with her life, she doesn't know why, so you become the lightening rod for everything from her getting stuck in traffic this morning to that time she forgot to turn in her homework in the 3rd grade. It's all your fault, you you you. So you DETACH. You listen and validate, but you don't get sucked into the vortex.
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I just don’t know what to do anymore. An outsider would look at our conversations and see that I am being rational and thoughtful and she is just not. She told me that she just doesn’t feel good at all when I’m around her and her life [censored]. Seriously?!? I haven’t really spoken to her or seen her in 3-4 months, so how in the world can she feel that way?!?
You continue to give her time and space. 4 months seems like forever to you but it's very short on a WAS timeline. She probably needs 3 or 4 times that before she'll realize you're not to blame for everything.
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I feel she is being very selfish, as it’s her way or the highway.
Yes, all you can do in response is detach.
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This person is just not the person I fell in love with and married.
EXACTLY RIGHT. That person you knew and loved may return some day, but for now you are dealing with an interloper and that's how you should view things. It's very much like dealing with a stranger. You see your old familiar W, but that's not who she is inside right now.
