It's been very recent for you to get where you are, so I would expect that cold is the best you can muster, but I'm telling you that I had to fake it at first (the happiness) and soon realized that I was actually, well, happy. Not with the situation, not with him, but just - a happy girl.
If you can muster every bit of control you can - and remind yourself that he does NOT control your emo thermometer, you will soon realize how much control you GAVE him, and time to take your power back.
I don't know if this makes sense - but in ET (the movie) ET and Elliot were attached emotionally to a point where one would literally feel everything the other did. I realized that I was my H's 'ET' - I had no idea!! But I found myself waiting to see where he was emotionally to respond in the same. Soon after I realized that, I decided that H would not get to dictate my moods for me. They are mine and I will feel them as I see fit.
This may seem silly, but awareness for me was the key. Once I was aware of what I was doing, I was able to make changes. Now, if I am in a good mood - NOTHING can sway me that H does. If by chance he rocks my boat, I have the strength to stuff it until I am alone. I would challenge myself - no matter who/what comes through the door, I would focus on all the amazing things in my life. Some days it was that I was still alive (true story! desperate times, those!!) And no matter what H threw at me - or how prickly he was, I just wouldn't let it sway my mood. I left him to his own.
I hope I"m making sense. I've had a crazy day but wanted to check in here. Also hope I'm not sounding like a no-it-all, just trying to share what has worked for me. Sounds like we have similar H's.
You're making perfect sense. And yes, the more I detach from my H the better I feel. He is depressed and miserable and irritable and anxious and doesn't know what he wants and isn't able to be consistently civil - but I'm NOT. I hope I can move towards being warmer with him at some point in the future, mainly because it is much better for our children for them to feel comfortable and not on edge when we're both together, and I have my contribution to make to that. But right now, I am concentrating on getting some space between his feelings and behaviours and my responses and reactions. I need to detach myself from whatever internal mess he's in, because it isn't my mess, isn't mine to fix and isn't mine to share.
The ET analogy is really really striking. I think we were like that. I'd get so anxious by his anger - or even the prospect of it - that in the end I could barely cope with him being tired after a day at work... I think I am mainly past that now, thank goodness.
