When the BD first happened to me, I had trouble being away from my wife. I had a lot of trouble staying focused at work. Now I am feeling worse being at home. I know that this is because I am not detached. My emotions are completely controlled by my wife's mood.
This weekend we had a great time. But yesterday, I sensed that my W didn't want to be around me. I ate dinner with my kids while she went outside to eat. Then she went for a walk, and then took a LONG shower (I have to admit that I worry she is texting someone when she is in the bathroom for a long time). Then she didn't come to bed until 1AM. It was clear that she just needed space. Well, I gave it to her. But, it left me feeling very lonely. Sometimes, I just can't live with the notion that she doesn't love me anymore. It is so hurtful.
I think that the hurt eventually is what is going to allow me to detach. I am starting to feel that I deserve better than this. I know that I still want my wife to love me, and I will always stand for our marriage. But the abandonment pain is slowly starting to strengthen me. However, I still live my life for her. I know I have to stop being this way, but it is a hard habit to break. But I am working on it.
I decided to take the day off work on Wednesday to take the kids to a festival. I invited my wife, but I am going to take them no matter what. This is a big step for me. I have to plan things to do by myself and with my kids. I will always invite my wife, but I need to start making my own plans. I need to create my own happiness. I am just not sure what that is yet.
AS, I think it was you that recommended that I look into RC planes. Well, I have been watching a lot of Youtube videos, and I think I am going to buy the Cub S Scout. The one that will land all by itself. Where do you fly these planes?
