That sounds tough, Dilly. In your shoes, I think I'd have been worried too - and given the state your husband is in I can well see how you could start of spinning and get into total anxiety and panic in a few hours. I think you just have to briskly move on from this, learn what you can, and bring what you learn into your decisions in future.
It seems to me as if you were wanting him to act like a husband - let him know when he was going to be out of contact, let you know he arrived safely, etc. After all, that might not seem unreasonable given that he expects the same from you and wants certain wife-like behaviours from you.
But he doesn't want to reciprocate. And apparently his lack of sleep because his friend were concerned about him is your fault. He's probably just a bit humiliated that the teenage way he mistreats his wife has been exposed to people he actually does respect.
I also wonder - and I may be wrong - if this was a stunt. A punishment because you didn't jump at the chance for him to book you a holiday he couldn't quite be bothered to show up fully for.
I like your plan. I think you should add some boundaries for yourself about contact with H that would involve going much darker. And do it in the expectation that it will probably trigger more of his punishing behaviour. It may not - it may give you both the peace you need to recover and get into a healthier pattern at some point in the far future. But given what you say about him, I'd expect him to pull some more stuff like this before you're done and it just depends on how much of his antics you feel like taking before you're ready to drop the rope.
I hope you have a peaceful day today and can catch up on lost sleep tonight.
