Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

[CanBird]

Today I'm thinking of sending H an email, to update him on d3. Considering making this a monthly thing, as he'll be gone until November. It will be sent to his work email, as he will get it right away. Even though everyone else can read these emails, I'd like him to read it sooner than later, as it's been awhile.

When he left for work in mid April (BD in March), he asked that I not send him anything.

Since he asked you not to send anything, you might send him a message first that says something like "I was thinking about sending you a monthly update on D, is that something you would be interested in?" If he says yes, then don't try to turn it into an opportunity to start contact with him. Just send him an update on D and that's all, period. Then do what you say and don't send anything more to him until the next month.

Stupid question. Is it normal for someone in MLC not to ask how their children?

Unfortunately it is normal. MLCers are some of the most horrible parents out there. They do often completely cut their children completely out of their lives, sometimes permanently. Sometimes years later they decide to try and patch things up, but by then the children resent them so much that they don't want to talk to them. You can send updates but keep in mind YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM A GOOD PARENT. You just can't, it's outside of your control.

Thank you for reading and your reply. I'm not sure that asking if he wants an update, is the right thing to do. I say this because everyone he works with, (it's a boat) can read these emails. As far as I know, and I know this about him, he literally does not talk to anyone about his private life. Thus, it would be strange for the "wife" to send an email basically asking permission to email him about his daughter. Any contact thus far via work email has been strictly business.

If I do send an update, I'll do it next week after d3 has a dentist appointment, so I'll have more to update him on.

Re MLC & parenting: Boo. This is sad to hear, and I hope that this isn't the case here. Only time will tell what kind of parent he will be. I'm being the best parent I can be without any help (other than the income H provides). I totally get that he is in control of himself. More like his in control of being out of control. It helps if look at him in that way.