Am I doing this right??

[Goddess8]

Ok y'all confession time... I was horribly hung over yesterday. Went out Saturday night to support a friend whose H is also exhibiting GGW wayward behavior. Well to make a long story short a lightweight like myself should pay attention to how many inperial pints they drink. Ahem 4 later. Ouch. To add a little funny to the story I had several guys actively hitting on me throughout the night. One guy even went so far as to tell me he thought I was pretty. Thanks guy. He was butt hurt I didnt reciprocate. Too bad love, life is full of disappointment. I never gave the I'm interested vibe. But overall I felt better being out this time. We were able to laugh and talk to people. So yay going out and being around adults boo hangover.

I am honestly starting to think my biggest issue is overthinking. I worry how H percieves something I do or say or dont say. How is he reacting to my going dark(ish). What is going to make him come out of the fog? Is he wayward or MLC? Does it matter? Do I have months or years? Does it matter? I have made huge inroads to myself this past year. I think at this point what I fear most in detaching completely, dropping the rope, letting go and all that isnt that he might not come back it's that once I am DONE that's it for me. I'm standing and not done done. And yes I absolutely agree the affair is the worst. I was being facetious with the "just" part. Sometimes i feel as if I haven't made my feeling about it known. Then the other side of my says he darn well knows I am not ok with him having an affair. He's apologized for it in past months. But we know the difference between guilt and true remorse. Can't be too remorseful if you are still with the OW. Yes I do wish I'd gone dark when he'd moved out. Sometimes I feel like we feed each other cake.

Speaking of cake and the current "what my H bought me" thread. He has been asking what the kids and I had planned for the fourth. He was thinking of doing something with them but didnt want to get in the way of anything I had planned. I didn't really have anything but had thought of a beach day. Well he sent a two night hotel option. Well I didnt say anything but ok. Saturday night he asked if I'd thought about the beach and sent the hotel again. I bit and asked for who. He said either. I responded with an ok. Didn't say anything else as I was GALing as mentioned above. Then yesterday blah... Today he asked AGAIN. Well tbh if he wants to pay with points or whatever for the kids and me to have a small beach trip then coolbeans. Then even offered to watch the dogs. Got a little grumpy when I said I hadnt wanted to assume he'd want to drive the hour one way here a couple times a day or spend the night here. Apparently I did assume it was just negative... Really? I can't imagine. I just responded I didnt like to impose. Shoulda left it alone I'm sure. But if you don't want me putting words in your mouth don't do it to me. I chalk it up to wanting to be seen as the good guy. Thats the first even remotely negative thing he's said in months to me.

Would it be redundant to tell him no one but him is allowed at my house while he's watching the dogs? As a normal rational person I would say it was understood. But...