What are some of the things you feel you must trust her?
Because even I love her, I have to trust her. If I trust her then I have to respect her. I think this would be harder if I thought she was cheating, but I don’t think that anymore.
Originally Posted by sandi2
Why are you involved in the web chat? Isn't that when she talks to your son, or vise versa? Why can't it just be her and your son communicating?
We each have to hold the phone, so we’re there. I usually try not to talk to her, but she almost always answers anything I say to him. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or not, but I try not to think about it. When I want to talk to her, I’ll ask her to go in the other room.
Originally Posted by sandi2
I get the feeling that you don't fully understand tough love. And, if you believe she is a WAW instead of a WW, then why would you need to apply tough love?
You are right. I’ve never been a tough love type of person. I would love to know what that looks like.
Originally Posted by sandi2
First of all, the two of you are physically separated. It comes right under getting a divorce. So, about the most you can do is protect yourself from disrespect. You must look at it as protecting yourself......instead of issuing consequences to her. If she is screaming, calling you names, cursing over the phone......then tell her you will disconnect the call if she doesn't talk to you respectfully. Same would go for web chat, or whatever type of communication. You don't have a discussion about it beforehand or afterwards. If she starts showing disrespect, you just tell her that you won't continue the call if she can't continue respectfully.
I like that very much. I have tried to start doing that, but I feel like she does that to me before I even get the chance.
Originally Posted by sandi2
So, what are some ways she shows disrespect?
How much do you feel MC is helping? Is this more of an opportunity where you get to see her in person and talk about the MR? Does the counselor give the two of you assignments, or is it just talking in the sessions?
Eye rolling or making face when I speak in person. Very moody on the phone. Tries to compare minor accidents when he’s with me to when he’s with her, etc.
It’s just very petty.
As far as MC, I do think it’s helping. We had our best session last week, but still a long way to go. Yes, we do get to talk about our marriage. I have been doing a lot of work on myself and both the therapist and I are very happy with my progress. She hasn’t done anything to work on our marriage at all and you can tell.
As far as assignments, the only things he’s given us to do is look towards the future and stop looking in the past, as well as give the other the benefit of the doubt with everything. We are going to talk about coparenting this next session and then go back to MC, I believe.
