It's funny, my wife talked to me last night about needing to widen our driveway to be able to fit our kids car once she can drive. It is funny that as we go through this, conversations like this still seem to envision me or at least my car still being in the driveway. Why do you think they do this?
It's funny, my wife talked to me last night about needing to widen our driveway to be able to fit our kids car once she can drive. It is funny that as we go through this, conversations like this still seem to envision me or at least my car still being in the driveway. Why do you think they do this?
Because we are still considered a "co-parent and friend" to them and their current non romantical feelings about us. We are a utility in essence to their self proclaimed "independence" away from us. It is a rebellious spirit. Hence "have your cake and eat it too" They are deceived and guided by their feelings and thoughts of confusion. Or they are merely operating on old habits of reliance. As punitive as it may seem, we need to withdraw our love and our reliance upon us from them, while still keeping it. Make sense?
I am not sure if that is what my wife is saying. I am wondering if she is really not sure if she wants the marriage to end. I think she would be glad if I called it quits, but I don't think she wants to. I think she doesn't want to destroy the family, but wants independence. Very confusing.
I woke up this morning to my wife putting her hand on my arm while she was sleeping. Oh how I prayed that she was consciously touching me. But she wasn't. I have been having a lot of dreams at night where we make up and she comes back to me. They are very difficult to wake up to. Do you guys have dreams like that?
I woke up this morning to my wife putting her hand on my arm while she was sleeping. Oh how I prayed that she was consciously touching me. But she wasn't. I have been having a lot of dreams at night where we make up and she comes back to me. They are very difficult to wake up to. Do you guys have dreams like that?
I have them all the time. All the time. Used to be torture to wake up. I�m more used to it now.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
I wonder how many women DB, but never file for divorce or separate. I saw a list of my wife's priorities this week. The third bullet was people. I was number three on the list after her two best friends. It was interesting that the kids were not on the list. That was really strange.
I wonder how many women DB, but never file for divorce or separate. I saw a list of my wife's priorities this week. The third bullet was people. I was number three on the list after her two best friends. It was interesting that the kids were not on the list. That was really strange.
I hear you, Des - i have seen some of the strangest things I have ever seen from my W. It is like an alien has taken over her body a lot of the times.
Once, she told me that she "needed to detach" as if it were something she was forcing herself to do, without really wanting to do it.
I am sure that my wife is depressed, but I know that she will not take medicine. I so wish that I could convince her to seek help. I feel like I can't talk to anyone that would try to convince her. It will just look like I am trying to invalidate her feelings about our marriage problems blaming them on depression. This is so frustrating.
I really do feel like I am making personal progress. I worked out every day last week. And, I can tell that I am becoming emotionally stronger. I continue doing my 180s, but I still struggle with GAL. At times I am still obsesssing on what I can do to "fix" our M even though I know it is not really up to me. But, I am starting to know that I can live without her. While I would be really sad to lose her, I would be able to live a good life without her. This strength has started to make me resentful of my W. I hate the limbo she has put our family in. Life isn't what it used to be. It isn't as fun as it used to be.
It's funny, my wife talked to me last night about needing to widen our driveway to be able to fit our kids car once she can drive. It is funny that as we go through this, conversations like this still seem to envision me or at least my car still being in the driveway. Why do you think they do this?
Hang on a sec, let me consult my "Big Book of WAS Behavior Explanations". Where the heck did I put it? Oh wait that's right, there's no such thing because there are no explanations Seriously, you might as well try to figure out why when you drop a tool while working on your car it manages to roll to the exact center where it's hardest to retrieve. Her talk and actions will continue to be inconsistent and make no sense. You can't read anything into it because it means nothing.
Originally Posted by Destroyd
I am sure that my wife is depressed, but I know that she will not take medicine. I so wish that I could convince her to seek help.
Anti-depression medication does more harm to relationships than good so count yourself lucky that she's not on them. Medical studies are woefully inadequate on this subject but new research seems to be showing that women on A/D's tend to lose their loving feelings towards their spouse and even children over time. And if she starts counseling then you're likely going to find yourself in an even more precarious position because more often than not IC's will suggest a relationship "change" to help with that depression. Be careful what you wish for.
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I really do feel like I am making personal progress. I worked out every day last week. And, I can tell that I am becoming emotionally stronger.
Good, keep your focus there.
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At times I am still obsesssing on what I can do to "fix" our M even though I know it is not really up to me. But, I am starting to know that I can live without her. While I would be really sad to lose her, I would be able to live a good life without her. This strength has started to make me resentful of my W. I hate the limbo she has put our family in. Life isn't what it used to be. It isn't as fun as it used to be.
Oh but you are working on fixing things, you're just not doing it in the way your brain is telling you. Your brain says to pursue and buy gifts and lavish her with attention and affection. But that won't fix things, it'll make them worse. What you are doing is the proper path. Obsess on that!
Seriously, you might as well try to figure out why when you drop a tool while working on your car it manages to roll to the exact center where it's hardest to retrieve. Her talk and actions will continue to be inconsistent and make no sense. You can't read anything into it because it means nothing.