Heartbroken and Struggling - Part 2

[AnotherStander]

It's funny, my wife talked to me last night about needing to widen our driveway to be able to fit our kids car once she can drive. It is funny that as we go through this, conversations like this still seem to envision me or at least my car still being in the driveway. Why do you think they do this?

Hang on a sec, let me consult my "Big Book of WAS Behavior Explanations". Where the heck did I put it? Oh wait that's right, there's no such thing because there are no explanations Seriously, you might as well try to figure out why when you drop a tool while working on your car it manages to roll to the exact center where it's hardest to retrieve. Her talk and actions will continue to be inconsistent and make no sense. You can't read anything into it because it means nothing.

I am sure that my wife is depressed, but I know that she will not take medicine. I so wish that I could convince her to seek help.

Anti-depression medication does more harm to relationships than good so count yourself lucky that she's not on them. Medical studies are woefully inadequate on this subject but new research seems to be showing that women on A/D's tend to lose their loving feelings towards their spouse and even children over time. And if she starts counseling then you're likely going to find yourself in an even more precarious position because more often than not IC's will suggest a relationship "change" to help with that depression. Be careful what you wish for.

I really do feel like I am making personal progress. I worked out every day last week. And, I can tell that I am becoming emotionally stronger.

Good, keep your focus there.

At times I am still obsesssing on what I can do to "fix" our M even though I know it is not really up to me. But, I am starting to know that I can live without her. While I would be really sad to lose her, I would be able to live a good life without her. This strength has started to make me resentful of my W. I hate the limbo she has put our family in. Life isn't what it used to be. It isn't as fun as it used to be.

Oh but you are working on fixing things, you're just not doing it in the way your brain is telling you. Your brain says to pursue and buy gifts and lavish her with attention and affection. But that won't fix things, it'll make them worse. What you are doing is the proper path. Obsess on that!