Making the best of the mess.

[97Hope]

Alison,

It's been very recent for you to get where you are, so I would expect that cold is the best you can muster, but I'm telling you that I had to fake it at first (the happiness) and soon realized that I was actually, well, happy. Not with the situation, not with him, but just - a happy girl.

If you can muster every bit of control you can - and remind yourself that he does NOT control your emo thermometer, you will soon realize how much control you GAVE him, and time to take your power back.

I don't know if this makes sense - but in ET (the movie) ET and Elliot were attached emotionally to a point where one would literally feel everything the other did. I realized that I was my H's 'ET' - I had no idea!! But I found myself waiting to see where he was emotionally to respond in the same. Soon after I realized that, I decided that H would not get to dictate my moods for me. They are mine and I will feel them as I see fit.

This may seem silly, but awareness for me was the key. Once I was aware of what I was doing, I was able to make changes. Now, if I am in a good mood - NOTHING can sway me that H does. If by chance he rocks my boat, I have the strength to stuff it until I am alone. I would challenge myself - no matter who/what comes through the door, I would focus on all the amazing things in my life. Some days it was that I was still alive (true story! desperate times, those!!) And no matter what H threw at me - or how prickly he was, I just wouldn't let it sway my mood. I left him to his own.

I hope I"m making sense. I've had a crazy day but wanted to check in here. Also hope I'm not sounding like a no-it-all, just trying to share what has worked for me. Sounds like we have similar H's.