Making the best of the mess.

[97Hope]

Think about it, if a man leaves his W and home for OW, and he still gets to have a nice relationship with his W and enjoy family time, why would he even want to end the A (or simple freedom if there is no longer A) and come back? He doesn't need to. He gets the benefit of having his own place, his freedom and doing whatever he wants, while also having the benefit of dates and family time when he feels like it. Simultaneously, he loses respect for his W. If she allows this, she is sending the message that she doesn't value herself enough to demand more in the relationship. It shows weakness and low confidence. That is not attractive to anyone. A strong and confident woman is not okay with her H leaving her and then coming and going as he pleases. She is naturally hurt and angry and she puts up boundaries to protect herself. She demands respect. She flips the scripts and makes him do the work of having to show her why she should even consider taking back. It took me 9-10 months to get it and once I did, it worked immediately.

Blu,

I value your opinion immensely - so here's the thing. I am not hurt and angry anymore. I was at first but ironically, I have my own place, my freedom and I do whatever the heck I want. I'm enjoying this time immensely more than I would have guessed. I'm more confident, and definitely stronger. H has commented on this a LOT. He's naturally drawn to it. I can see it and feel it. I didn't feel this way at first, I was sad and wrecked and all that stuff, but I didn't show him that. Now, it's not an act at all. I really feel - good. At peace. In control of myself and able to manage my emotions.

I'm not trying to seem argumentative, I'm just wondering if you think should I force a NC boundary when I don't need it? Should I go all the way and not let him come over for family time and tell him no when he asks me out? I'm quite enjoying myself, and don't always accept the invites.

In the meantime, I am going to evaluate myself. I want to be sure that I am not accepting less-than. I feel good about where I am, but I hear you when you say a confident woman wouldn't accept this sitch.

Would love to hear your thoughts.