Sending him on vacation with the kids while you do something else sounds like a good idea. He more than likely won’t do it because he isn’t in control and getting his family time.
I think these are extremely wise words. If your H was keen to bond with his children, he would be seeking out ways to address his drinking problem and his obsession with work and make some time to spend one on one time with them, no matter what is happening to your marriage and no matter what confusions he has about his feelings for you and the future of your relationship. You say he doesn't know how - but there are plenty of resources available for those of us not confident with our teenage children. I know this because I'm not confident, and have plenty of room to improve, and I don't rely on my H to teach me or facilitate my parenting, I call in a family therapist and read books and talk to mothers who have children older than mine. I seek support. Because it matters to me. Your H isn't doing any of those things. You can't pacify and enable him into being a better parent. I bet there's plenty to do with connecting with your kids that leaves you stumped - and you don't vanish off into work and a bottle and a secret flat - because you don't want to, and because even if you did want to, you don't get that choice.
This might feel like a pile-on, Dilly. And I hope these words of mine are received with kindness. If I was with you I'd be pouring you a cup of tea in my kitchen and telling you, with as much warmth as I can muster, that your H is not the man you want him to be, and nothing you do or don't do - NOTHING - will make him into that man. And it isn't your fault and it isn't your job to fix.
