Slowly piecing, D busted (pt 14)

[PsySara]

A little bit of update. I think I reaching that plain of lethal flatness and I am trying to find out how to turn it around. I feel there is a lack of reciprocity in my marriage. I have effectively GAL, I feel a I am a more attentive mother and wife but WH still seems to lack the ability to reciprocate affection in my LL. I am a QT girl as well as Acts of Service. He continually promises to help me out with household responsibilities (as well as financial) and then just...forgets. He doesn't really give me QT unless I schedule everything and then arrange the logistics. Then he sort of checks out and we don't (or I don't) feel any connection to him.

I am happy with myself, with my relationship with my children but I am finding my marriage very wanting. I am starting to understand how a WAW can happen. However I have made my relationship needs known multiple times and he makes promises and then just doesn't keep them. I find my relationships at work more fulfilling to my emotional needs but despite multiple tools deployed for my M, no real response from WH. Sometimes I fantasize about D'ing so I can date and feel appealing to someone in a sexual and intellectual way. WH and I don't really have convos past daily logistics.

I've been reading a lot of Gottman recently and really want a deep, fulfilling connection with my husband. I have addressed this issue multiple times during our piecing process but am met with confusion at best or indifference at worst. I don't want to D because raising my children in a two parent home is really important. However living in this sort of lonely, one sided relationship for the next dozen years is also very daunting. WH sometimes tells me he hates talking and he hates listening. How does one grow with a partner with that kind of mentality? While he's not cheating or flirting there still a deep selfish streak with WH. For instance, we are hosting some of his friends from out of town and they are a couple with children close in age to ours. We decided to go the beach on Friday. My WH and the other H decided they would simply fish all day while me and the other wife had to chase after 5 kids. When we got home WH simply lazed about while I sorted our three kids all on my own. This is very standard behavior and I feel constant resentment at the expectation that I will always be the one adult-ing. I have tried addressing this in constructive manners but WH get defensive and then shuts down. I eventually approach him apologetically and then we make up. But then the cycle repeats.

I really thought things would be different than this after we decided to reconcile. I sometimes wish I just completed the divorce and made WH show me some real work before giving him a second chance.